anxious

It's so hard to breathe,
my body damp in cold sweat,
the room is shrinking

What the future holds

Will there be a time
when I hold your hands in mine
either as lover or as friend
or has this come to an end?

How it hurts not to know
where will this story go
standing by, unloved,
holding on to something unsolved.

Frozen ice

If I had known how dangerous it was
I would have never 
swam 
in frozen ice,
but I wanted to feel
the sweet warmth 
of death's embrace.

Chocolate cake

Whenever I get
a tiny piece of you,
I always crave
a tiny bit more.

I dosify you
unwillingly,
controlling myself
to be good.

I want to give in
and engulf you,
so that you'd stop
tempting me.

But you're too good
to be devoured:
you deserve to be enjoyed
bit by bit.

Mom

Hey mom 
Thanks for showing me what love looks like
and not fucking me up
Thanks for teaching me what home means
and that I shouldn't settle 
for any less.
Thanks for showering me with love
for making me feel blessed.
Thanks for letting me grow up 
without needing to worry
because you knew
I'd have plenty of time for that
once I was older.

Hey mom
I need you right now
can you come pick me up?
I can't find home.
Hey mom,
please take me away,
I'm so alone.
Mom,
I made a mistake 
I thought I could take it,
I'm so afraid.

Infinite universes

There's a version of our universe
in which not only we haven't met
but also we'll never meet.
Can you imagine a variant of you
that hasn't memorized the shape of my lips?

Desperate

This will not make a good poem
It's a short story that I tell myself
when I need to be convinced
that I don't really need you.

The words I need to scream
to stop scrolling through your photos
to stop playing that sad song
to stop reading through your poems.

This is my desperate cry to be healthy
and finally let go of your memories
instead of grasping at them
as if they could save me in any way.

Inertia

I dreamt you were gone
Then searched blindly for your warmth.
The bed was empty.

Sunday

I want to wake up with sex
Then eggs

Then back to sleep
and white sheets

And let the sun wake us up
Writhe in pleasure as we decide

What to do with the day ahead
Because we'd both rather stay in bed

And spend all our time together
Letting our bodies be tethered

The only music your sighs and gasps
As I find the best ways to make you laugh

But there's so much to do
You know it too

There's so little time
So we go outside

We walk
And talk

Travel to unknown locations
Experience new sensations

For we want to grow and learn
As we let this fire burn

And get all of our task lists done
Because we never found someone

With this eagerness to live
With so much love to give

Never wanting the day to end
Never needing to pretend

Never wanting to leave your side.
Never having to say goodbye.

crying

Tears fall accidentally
I'm so sorry. You weren't supposed to see that.
I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable with my pain.
Please forgive me.
I know my crying is not an appropriate reaction to this conversation.
Let's reschedule this for some other time
when I've learned to keep my feelings under control.
Let me shamefully walk away
as I fail to understand
why did I apologise for bothering you
if I was the one in pain?