Travel

You can leave. Travel the world. You have the resources. You can relive the ancient Greek history. Stand on the spot where Pharaohs were killed. View the seas that vikings roamed. You can tell others how important it is to travel. How much you grew as a person by leaving your comfort zone. Ans you’ll keep living the rest of your days making sure you mute the voice of guilt in your head. The one that reminds you, that for them, the only time they travelled, they crossed the sea of pain to get to the land of despair.

You

Grab my waist from behind

And whisper something in my ear

A smooth, quiet, “I love you”

Is all I want to hear.

 

I know you are in pain,

some days are really awful,

and I can’t make it go away

even if I tell you you’re beautiful.

 

Find shelter in my arms

and the warmth of my body.

I’ll try to save you from yourself :

I´ll throw a rope : hold on to it.

Arms

I miss your arms around me,

feeling like the day won’t end.

The sunshine, your smile

The way you lift me off my feet.

I miss your views on the world,

the way you’ve decided to live.

How you have hope when all is lost.

And you encourage me to feel.

I wish I would have you in my arms.

But I wish so much more for all the things

we never had.

Hope

My body hurts.

Every step I take feels like being stabbed by a tiny needle.

My ass aches every  time I bend down to grab my bag. Every breath reminds me of what I’ve put my body through. I relive every second of the suffering. It hurts.

However, for every minute of pain that I endure, it’s another sixty whole seconds that I’ve survived. And that’s how I know I will get to live another day. And in that thought, there is hop. And in hope I find power.

Goals

I tried to live without goals

I let emptiness embrace me

Telling myself that I must

Find comfort in its cold arms.

I repeated my ever louder motto :

“This should be enough,

Do not fall victim to the traps of neo-liberalism”

I stubbornly told my friends and family

that I was OK.

I don’t need any more. If anything, I have too much.

That’s how I lied to myself.

But this constant, excruciating pain in my chest

Is the proof of how I failed

Fix

I will never be enough for you.

I have come to realise this

And when you say it’s not true

I no longer imagine a life of bliss.

You want me to solve

All the problems that you’ve worked so hard on creating.

You don’t want hugs and smiles,

just actions for which you’ll be ungrateful.

I am sorry that I’m not enough

but what is worse about this

Is that there will always be some thing to solve

Constantly facing a new issue to fix.

Saviour

I feel so small

so insignificantly belittled

Confusedly rejected

and desperately alone.

I wish for a saviour

to provide me with what I’m missing :

Something to make me stop thinking,

and relieve me from my pain.

I fool myself, for I know

that I am the only one who can answer

all my cries for help.

The dog in the forest

My dog is sick. She hasn’t moved for days. In the morning, when I fill up her bowl, she drags herself to the kitchen to eat. She then lays there, under the sunlight, until it’s dark. At night, she drags herself to the living room, where she sleeps.

It all started a week ago, when we went for a walk by the river. I had wanted to take her there for a long time, because she had never left the city. It broke my heart to think that nobody had taken her to see forests, streams and unexplored roads. When she gets better we’ll go back, and spend a whole day running between trees, jumping through bushes and becoming friends with the forest fauna.

But not today. Today I have to find the men that did this to her. My backpack is full and ready to go.

Land

The sea breeze chilled her skin.  She watched the horizon constantly, trying to see a sign of land. However, she knew that that would not happen for another two to five hours. That’s what the men at the shore had told her.