2020

You showed me how much I value hugs,
and how I missed out on them
trying to appear independent and tough.

I thought I'd never miss going to bars
the smell of closed space and ethanol
but you made me want what I couldn't have.

You taught me that I should take care of my friends,
laugh with those that I love most
because I won't know when I'll see them again.

You made getting out of bed a challenge
when I hadn't seen anyone in days
and was remote-working in pajamas.

I learned how to deal with not doing great
when there were things outside my control
and had to chin up and look straight.

You made me worry about my parents more
give them all the love they deserve
and call them a lot more than before.

You showed me that I like to think, reflect, and grow,
surrounded by beautiful people
who make me smile even on a zoom call.

You taught me that I have to dance more
that I feel better when I let my body go,
and I don't need a teacher or a dance floor.

You changed me, in so many different ways
you made me realised what I didn't dare to do
because I was busy being afraid.

Dear 2020, what a fucking ride
you taught me a lot of things
almost as many as you denied.

I want you

I want your lips
to run down my body
and discover mine.

I want your voice
to tell me those stories
that teleport my mind.

I want your hands
to find their way through me
and never find their way out.

December

Your body is a hearth
Craved warmth in the coldest night
The beating of your heart
Calms my anxious mind.
Since your lips
found their place
in the warmth of my skin
they haven't felt at home anywhere else.

f u c k

fuck this
fuck you
fuck me
fuck me
for trying to be better
for trying to save us
for trying to bring 
something better into our lives.

Fuck me for telling you 
how to generate endorphins
how to surround yourself with nature
and love the small things in life.

Fuck you for not liking any of me
my clothes, my mind, my voice,
or any of the things you get for free,
that I put so much effort in.

You did not like me 
when I told you  that we were enough
that we didn't need anything else.
You said you needed someone to help you grow.

And you do not like me 
when I tell you that I'm not enough
that I need to grow and be better
and that I need us to be more.

You say I am too intense
and you need someone more laid back
who can teach you to enjoy life,
who won't stress you out.

Maybe we're not meant
to be anything else
and this is the end of what we lived
because I am done.

so
fucking
tired.

Of living with someone 
who always complains
and never ever gives
and only hates
whatever he gets.

Share yourself

Why not share your darkest secrets
with those who dare look inside?
Say what's on your mind,
reveal your uniqueness.

I know you feel uncertain,
you're afraid to show your tears.
Before confronting your fears
you hide behind a curtain.

You tag it as introversion
never daring to share a thought
and I wonder what's the upshot
why withhold such a beautiful person.

Like a dragon guarding its treasure,
every idea a piece of gold,
concealing it from the world, 
depriving us all from the pleasure.

You push everyone away
until you deem someone worthy
someone with whom you won't worry
and will stop being afraid.

You're embarassed by what you feel
but only you can live so intensely
since you experienced it directly,
and only by sharing it you'll heal.

Someone will read your words
and see their own reflection
in what you labeled imperfection,
from the curvatures of your oes.

You need others to grow
trust friends, build an alliance,
receive both love and guidance
and don't forget to take it slow.

Beauty is not defined by perfection
you'll also find it in a voice that is broken,
between the typos of an honest poem,
or inside every show of affection.

Christmas dinner

I'm sorry to see a nice meal get ruined
over nonsense like left or right wing
But it wasn't me that added fuel
the flames were engulfing everything.

You said you needed me to be tough 
it is just once a year, don't worry
but I'm not hypocritical enough 
to smile and nod to the discourse of a tory.

At my age one would be expected to
excel at politeness and shake it off,
stick to the "how do you do",
ask about their love life, or lack thereof.

I should try to put aside our differences,
others come and go, when family stays
and let's face it, it's Christmas,
I could pretend it's just a phase.

I am not sorry that I ruined this nice meal
by raising my voice and being sarcastic,
by defending those who are trying to heal
from crossing the sea in a barely buoyant piece of plastic.

I will continue to stand up for the vulnerable,
sleeping out in the freezing rain
while you seat on your high tower, comfortable,
watching the world with disdain.

As I drive away for the night
exhausted from the phony social mix
tears of rage blur the traffic lights.
Only the privileged can afford to stay out of politics.

anticlimactic

I'd like to narrate how we stood under the night sky
embraced by the cold air and  the star light
but as pen glides through paper, ready to start,
words elude me, slip through my grasp.
I'd like to describe how I held your hand,
how I pulled you close, dared your lips, and grazed your arms,
but resisted the urge to give in to desire.
But that would disappoint every reader,
who, expecting action and romance,
sex, sweat and passion,
would be left feeling empty,
lacking progression,
crescendo,
or climax.
I can't put into words what made it feel so intense
what made my breathing go faster, 
what was I hoping would never end?
What we did and didn't do, the specifics do not matter
it's how I felt being with you, how it made everything better.

Déjame

Déjame recorrer tu mejilla con mis labios
Besarte la oreja y morderte el cuello
Déjame perderme entre estos brazos
Que se aventuran a descubrir mi cuerpo.

Déjame sentir el calor de tu aliento
Al reposar tu cabeza en en mi hombro
Dejemos que el tiempo pase lento
Mientras nos ahogamos el uno en el otro.

Déjame buscarte en la oscuridad
mientras mi respiración se ralentiza
Déjame dejarme llevar
cuando desaparece nuestra prisa.

Déjame quedarme un ratito más
disfrutando del placer de tenerte
no quiero volver a la realidad
y a la incesante sed de volver a verte.

Love yourself

Challenge the mirror to a staring contest,
even if it terrorizes you.
I want you to find your beauty
in everything you've lived through.

Take all the things you learned to hate,
your flaws, scars and bruises,
study your body and before you look away
take a deep breath and love all of it.

Every flaw that you notice
makes you who you are,
it is all part of the puzzle
that helped you get this far.

Every mark in your arms and knees
will remind you that you felt pain
but also, that you can heal,
that you will be okay.

Every bruise on your thighs
is what's left  of a struggle
that you managed to survive,
despite every fall and stumble.

Playing football in the park
and that bike ride with your buddies,
are all written in your scars
and engraved in your body.

I won't allow you to hate it
so you should stop making excuses.
Enjoy your body and accept it
with your flaws, scars and bruises.

All of these make you who you are
so stop beating yourself up over it,
you don't deserve any of that,
start nourishing, loving, kissing every bit.

All the pain that you caused
by not loving your imperfections
was only causing more flaws,
bruises and scars every second.

what will we be?

Let me curl up in the space
that exist between our fingers
while I lose myself in you.
I hope that it continues to exist
even after we part ways 
and you become only a part of the story 
that I'll tell those who come after you.